So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We talked him into tasing himself.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
