drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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