you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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