3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
