I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
