I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize