O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
