and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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