Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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