We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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