6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
