he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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