Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
