Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
