Don't you send me to vm
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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