I'm going to jail i love you
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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