you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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