a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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