from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
