hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
