Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
