Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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