Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
