so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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