i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
