So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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