I'm so fucking centered right now
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
