she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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