You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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