i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
