i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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