Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
