i just wanna soil my oats bro
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
