no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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