6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
