Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
