So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
