His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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