My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
