ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
