Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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