Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
