So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
