we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Randomize
