whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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