A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
