u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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