I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
