i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
