well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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