Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My liver just broke up with me...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
