When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you didnt know i had herpes?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
