I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
