I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
