I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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