Redeem this text for a blowjob
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
