Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
