actually, I'm a sock model
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
