help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
