anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
