Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
