just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
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The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
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He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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