At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
