girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
