I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
