What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I FOUND THE LEGS
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
