ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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