I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize