last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
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She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
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I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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