Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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