Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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