my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
