If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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