it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
