the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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