where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
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Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
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Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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