hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
